I read fear in my 92-year old mom’s eyes. Never knowing my mother of German descent to be fearful of anything, I asked, “Are you afraid of dying?” She admitted yes, identifying that the fear of the unknown gripped her mind.
I pushed, “Aren’t you excited to get to heaven and see dad, the twins, and your parents?” “I’m not sure that I’ll see them”, she shared. Mom continued, “I believe I will see God, but not sure of anything else.”
My heart sank as her words of spiritual doubt sank in. What a frightful place to find yourself as you rest in bed all day, reflecting on your life, not sure of what is ahead. And I’m sure that my mom is not alone in her feelings of “unsteadiness” making her way on the last part of the journey.
Saints, mystics and spiritual leaders write about the “dark night of the soul” when even the best of them experience extreme doubts, ever the very existence of God. Somehow they interpreted this “darkness” as an invitation to totally surrender their “minds” to reaffirm their “faith”.
I found some “evidence” of God’s surprising presence in “Encounters with Heaven” by Karin J. Gunderson.
Karen is a hospice harpist who has played for hundreds of people at the deathbeds. In her book she shares 5 certitudes that can help us all with our own faith and those we love:
- No one dies alone. (Very reassuring to think that angels and guides are there to help us find our “way”).
- We are loved by a God who cares about our personal needs and nothing we do or don’t do changes that. (This All-Loving God is not the “Grouchy old God” behind the ledger counting my sins, the impression of God that I grew up with…this will take a while to really sink in).
- It is God’s plan that we all act as one in love and support for each other. (At times we feel all alone, but not so).
- At death, only the body is left behind, the soul is alive and freed from the limited version of consciousness that our physical body and brain endure in this life. (We are really spiritual beings having an earthly experience. This passing is not really death, but a normal transition).
- Those who have gone before us continue life in the spiritual realm. They often glorify God by continuing to minister to us as part of the “great cloud of witnesses surrounding us.” (Hebrews 12:1) (I’ve experienced my dad STILL caring for me, even on “the other side)
As a past hospice volunteer, I can really appreciate Karin Gunderson’s input.
In our hospice training we were taught that there are two miracles in life: birth and death. We rarely celebrate the latter, but if we keep these 5 beliefs in mind as we live now, maybe at our end, we will celebrate the last of the journey with strong faith, casting all doubts aside.
What would you tell Ginny, my mom?
